We are taught medicine, steps to save a patient but no one prepare us for the moment we lose our patient despite our best efforts. Who can possibly help us get rid of the after thoughts that remain caged in our mind. All that care only to label all of it as fate.
I am writing this piece for everyone who felt the same as me at some point in their career.
Feeling the loss makes you human.
We are conditioned to believe that losing a patient is a part of this profession. We can’t dwell on it. We must learn to move ahead. As much as it is true, a part of it sounds inhumane. If we were not to feel anything then we are no less than AI. The pain of losing a life is a result of empathy we are supposed to have towards our patient during the course of their treatment. How can we get rid of it in just the blink of an eye?
Second guessing everything is normal.
Even though you can’t bring them back to life. There is no way we could have changed the outcome. But we must sit with the guilt for a while, process it, and always try getting past it after a certain period of time because if we won’t we will remain stuck in this never-ending loop that can possibly affect our decision-making skills.
Everyone has been through this phase so you are definitely not alone.
As a resident we all have a senior who we adore, their work style, idolize them, wish to be like them at some point in our lives. But, it’s important to realize they too had their moments of self- doubt, moments of trying and failing at bunch not because they were incapable. They were not always this poised while operating on a patient. The path isn’t easy but we will also seem natural as we will learn and familiarize with it.
Conclusion
Losing a patient will always come with some grief, we just have to make sure it doesn’t consume us, affect our work. Instead, we must learn to make peace with their demise and learn from it not just about medicine but ourselves too.
If you came across this article and you’re at a stage where you have started questioning your career choice, yourself it is important you find someone to talk to. That someone could be a mentor, parents or maybe just a friend. Don’t isolate yourself.
What is it you think we knew before dealing with our first loss as a practicing doctor? Share below. Let’s have the much-needed conversation.
MBH/PS