Every podcaster, spiritual guru and Instagram reel seems to preach the same: “Expectations of others kill happiness,” or “The less you expect, the more control you gain over your life.” But as human beings, is it truly possible to live entirely free from expectations?
The Ancient Perspective
The Bhagavad Gita offers a profound foundation for this debate:
***"***Karmanye vadhikaraste ma phaleshu kadachana, ma karma-phala-hetur bhur ma te sangostvakarmani."
This translates to: You have a right to perform your prescribed duties, but you are not entitled to the fruits of your actions. In short: do the work, but do not look for the reward.
To the modern mind, this sounds nearly impossible. Through years of guided meditation and mental training, I have managed to reach a stage where my expectations—of people, situations, and myself—are low yet realistic. I give my 100% to my family, friends, and career. I accept that I may or may not succeed, but that doesn’t stop me from trying.
However, the question remains: is the goal total freedom from expectation, or is setting realistic ones the actual key?
1. Expectations vs. Standards
It is vital to differentiate between an expectation of an outcome and a standard. You cannot control if someone is kind to you, but you can control who you allow into your inner circle.
It isn’t “wrong” to desire decency and kindness; these are standards for a healthy environment. The difference lies in whom we expect them from and how we react when they aren’t met.
2. Radical Acceptance
The goal isn’t necessarily to stop expecting altogether, but to stop suffering when expectations go unfulfilled. We cannot simply flip a switch and stop wanting kindness. However, we can practice Radical Acceptance—the ability to see a situation exactly the way it is even if it is unpleasant without losing our internal peace.
3. Unspoken Expectations
Much of our suffering stems from “unspoken expectations.” We often expect others to read our minds because “we would do the same for them.” However, communication is important for understanding. If a need isn’t communicated, it remains an assumption.
4. Walking Away
Walking away from a toxic dynamic isn’t expecting too much. It means we are fulfilling our primary duty to ourself and taking care of our wellbeing.
Happiness isn’t found in having zero expectations. Setting realistic expectations is not wrong as every human being wants to feel cared for and valued.
What are your views on it?
MBH/PS
