Sometimes we just repeat a few behavioral patterns in every relationship subconsciously. This makes us lose ourself and our relationships. But we often fail to find the real reason and continue being victims of such patterns.
One of such behavioral patterns is ‘people pleasing,’ where one puts others first and sacrifices one’s own needs, time, and priorities. It often ends your relationship or exhausts you internally because the relationship is built on untold sacrifices.
What is the root cause of this behavior?
People pleasing is a behavior pattern that is acquired by one in childhood. When a child is never appreciated or told he is not doing enough, whether in studies, sports, or anything, it often makes him a people pleaser.
You tend to do everything that could gain you appreciation or favoritism. Because failure to do so activates your fear of being unwanted or disliked. And, to feel wanted, you start putting others first and please them.
But the person you please may not reciprocate your efforts or see the sacrifices you made willingly. And it forces you to count on every sacrifice you’ve made for someone, breaks the bond, and makes you see yourself as unwanted and a victim once more.
So, how do we break this pattern of pleasing others?
- Start choosing yourself consciously putting yourself first for your mental peace and growth isn’t selfishness. You are your only constant, so don’t trade your mental peace for someone else.
- Start saying ‘No’- People pleasers often find it difficult to say ‘no’ to someone. It often makes you sacrifice your time and efforts for others and regret it later. So, next time whenever you find yourself saying ‘YES’ to someone, first ask yourself, am I not saying ‘NO’ to myself, my work, and my time by saying ‘YES’ to others?
- Build selfless relationships:People-pleasing is, though, an acquired childhood behavior, but it comes with the selfishness of being liked, wanted, and appreciated. So, invest in relationships not for the sake of gaining something but out of love, affection, and choice.
Making yourself a priority is the first step to freeing yourself from such behaviors that hold you back from developing positive relationships with yourself and others.