“Have some fire. Be unstoppable. Be a force of nature.”
If you’ve seen Grey’s Anatomy , you know Cristina Yang. Perhaps, you also relate to Cristina. Cristina Yang is an inspiration to many, because she has the guts to speak up for herself and achieve her goals no matter what. She didn’t apologize for desiring the best.
Many women wish they could be more like Cristina in their careers, and less like other “nice girls” who put their dreams on hold so they wouldn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. This message is very empowering to women in their careers, as it encourages us to succeed and compete rather than shrink ourselves to fit in some imaginary mold.
However, there are two sides to every story.
I want to explore the flip side of this Cristina Yang-inspired message and discuss what I feel is a more prevalent issue in women’s careers today. We are constantly told that women need to be able to have it all. We should strive to be multi-taskers, who can work 24/7 and not complain. We are applauded when we put in those extra hours at the office while our husbands or partners sleep soundly at home.
But where does this leave us? Where does it leave us, when we are so career-focused that we cannot enjoy any leisure time and feel guilty if we do? When one project fails, do you feel like the “best” woman in the history of womankind? We are told to be ambitious, and we do, and then we find that this ambition comes with a price. Sometimes it takes us by surprise, sometimes not.
Do you relate to these statements?
I know I do. Sometimes I hate myself for not being able to take a break. Even during vacations, I tend to think of work and feel guilty about not working. I hate the idea of “having it all”, because I can never seem to be able to enjoy it. I put so much pressure on myself to achieve that even when one thing falls short, I feel like the world’s worst failure.
I hate showing people that I’m not as composed and driven as they think I am, because it makes me feel weak. I hate that my work defines me. When I fail at work I feel like I have failed at life.
Is this the Cristina Yang-effect? We want to achieve, and that’s great. But it shouldn’t come at such a great personal price! We can be driven, focused, competitive and “have it all”, but not at the expense of our wellbeing. Sometimes the fire needs to be turned down a notch, so we can stop sacrificing our happiness on the altar of success.
Do you feel that you are burning out? Where is the line between healthy ambition and unhealthy obsession?
MBH/PS